Do You Feel Overwhelmed By Anxiety?
Here’s something few people know about me: I get panic attacks sometimes. They’re the quiet kind, where my mind becomes foggy and reality slips away. I start to feel as though I’m dreaming, and the dream I’m having is one of those where it feels like you’re falling. My heart speeds up and I struggle to stay present in the moment. My husband can tell the instant I have one because he says I get what he calls “a thousand yard stare.”
I’ve had these panic attacks on and off for the past 7 years, since my mom died. That day shattered me, and it took months to pick up all the pieces again. For the most part, I have. But every so often, my mind freaks out, gets overwhelmed by life, and CRASHES. Learning to find my way back to the present when this happens has been… interesting, but there’s one thing that works pretty much every time.
Get ready, because it may seem corny at first, but I promise you it WORKS for me. It’s GRATITUDE. I know, I know. But hear me out, okay? Earlier I was in the office working (in the very office I prayed to find for the ministry here in the city) and BOOM, it happened. I got overwhelmed, my mind left. The fog descended. My senses dulled. In the corner of my eye, I spotted a window looking out into the city. I looked at the rug beneath my feet. The work in front of me. I thanked God for what I saw, realizing I was standing in the middle of an answered prayer. Slowly, I felt myself return.
When my mom first died, it felt like a chunk of me had gone with her. Darkness and grief descended on me often. Back then, I would desperately look at the sky, or the walls, or the couch (whatever was nearby) and remember I was alive… and thank God for life.
“But this I call to mind, therefore I have hope. It is because of the Lord’s loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness.” - Lamentations 3:21-23 Amplified
Anxiety is a thief that enjoys draining joy away. It reminds us of what has gone wrong, makes us afraid of what could go wrong, and distracts us from the “now”. Being mindful of the good things, however small, is a way we can find our way back to the present - remembering who we are, who God is, and that life can be so, so good. We are surrounded by goodness if we’ll just look - goodness specifically placed there by God to keep us grounded in His love.
This is just something to think about…
Love you,
-Kelly
