Remember Where You Came From

I grew up playing with Georgia red clay, laying on the lawn watching rollie pollies, and making mud pies with my younger brother. In my early years when we lived in a house, we used to dig holes in the backyard and bury things. Every spring, caterpillars would crowd into our tree house and we would watch them wiggle along the wood planks with awe. A few years later, when we didn’t have a home, the outside was the only thing that remained the same as our lives shifted unpredictably from one month to the next. For my brother and I, the dirt was both our toy and safe haven.

When I started serving in ministry, I began at a food bank on the outskirts of town that held services outside. Some of the most precious memories I have are praying with people in the rain. A couple of times, someone we were praying with would feel the Holy Spirit, fall backwards, and I would catch them just in time to lay them down gently and watch God work an absolute miracle. (I was a “catcher” because I’m 6ft tall and built strong.)

We returned to one of my old outdoor safe havens recently to shoot the cover for my new book, “To the Unloved.” The motel my family used to live in when I was 14 until just before I turned 17, is pictured in the distance. Some of the worst abuse from my father happened during that period, so I spent most of my time outside. That was 14 years ago. I wanted to come back to that once very lonely and desperate place to shoot the cover because I thought it would be a cool “full circle moment,” and it was. Standing there with a heart God restored beating in my chest, I felt neither lonely nor desperate. I remembered the raw, honest prayers I used to pray, all of them answered, and smiled. I cannot describe to you the gratitude I felt, but it was so strong I can still feel it now. Our photographer told me to act “natural” but then kept asking “Are you sure you want to sit on the ground?” To which I replied every time, “Yup, I am sure.”

Sitting on the ground is natural for me. It’s how I remember the scared, and scarred, but hopeful girl I used to be. A hard upbringing can leave a person with so many wounds, but I think it gives us a beautiful toughness, too. A kind of grit. God has healed so many of the wounds I used to have, but I pray I never ever loose the grit.

I like to think of it this way: God washed me clean and made me new, but I will never forget how much He loved me when I was still broken and dirty. He never made me feel ashamed. Instead, He took my shame and called me beautiful. When I sit on the ground, my mind drifts to the precious moments when my Savior met with me there. The ground isn’t dirty to me - it’s holy.

Lovely friend, we have a Savior who isn’t afraid to get down in the dirt with us. He is the humble carpenter from Galilee. Jesus is so relatable. Before His ministry began at the age of 30, He worked a normal hectic job cutting wood, building things, and perhaps dealing with complaining customers. He has stress and probably pain in His life. He had a big family, which comes with its own set of unique challenges. In just about every way (besides sin) Jesus was “one of us.”

When the Sabbath came, He began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard Him were astonished. “Where did this man get these ideas?” they asked. “What is this wisdom He has been given? And how can He perform such miracles? Isn’t this the carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joses, Judas, and Simon? Aren’t His sisters here with us as well?” And they took offense at Him.

- Mark 6:2-3 NLT

I believe there is another reason our humble, often-misunderstood Jesus told us to come to Him like children.

“But Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.’”

- Matthew 19:14 NLT

I believe Jesus is telling us to have a simple outlook on life and a simple view of ourselves (not thinking we are “all that” — Romans 12:3). He wants us to be down-to-earth, always open to learn, open to forgive, open to grow and hear another’s point of view. Kids are not afraid to get their hands dirty because baths exist. In a similar way, we should not be afraid to be a little messy (whether that is sitting on the ground or owning our imperfections) because God’s cleansing grace exists. The funny thing is, so many of us once lived fearlessly and simply like this when we were young and wide-eyed but lost our sense of adventure along the way. The older I get, the more complicated life seems to become, and holding onto the person I used to be is a challenge.

So my friend, the point of this lesson is simply to tell you not to completely forget the “old” you. Hold onto her. No matter how rough around the edges that person was, there was beauty there to treasure, too. Don’t toss that beauty away. You needed to be her to become the person you are now. Dreams change and so do we, but don’t let this world kill your excitement at getting to live with and for the Lord, getting to learn and explore, fall but then rise again, to dance, to laugh when the moment strikes you, to believe God with crazy amounts of faith, experience love, survive loss, and… play in the dirt.

Today, make a list of:

5 things you used to do that made you feel closer to God,

5 more things that used to clear your mind and help you to have fun.

And finally, 5 dreams you used to have.

How many of these things do you still practice? Why did you stop some of them, and should you have stopped? Spend some time getting reacquainted with who you were when you first began your walk with Christ. The Lord has taught me that who I am at my core, the personality, talents, and purpose I came into this world with is important to hold onto. At some points in my life, stress and trauma have tried to muddy my identity and caused me to alter myself out fear and hurt - but each time God has helped me to heal, in that healing, He has re-introduced me to myself. So what I am saying to you, dear friend, is that if you feel as though you have lost yourself, look back on who you used to be, and ask God to redeem your identity. He will. And when He does, love who He made you to be. Refuse to change who you are at your core. Hold onto her. When life gets difficult and complicated, as it tends to do, remembering who you are and who your Father is will help you to stay grounded in truth.

I used to journal every night before bed. I used to go on long walks and talk with the Lord. I used to lay on the ground and look up at the stars at night. I used to do so many things back then to cling to God’s love for me so I could survive. I do these things now, still to cling to God’s love, and to remember what He did for that girl. She is alive at the core of who I am, dancing with Her savior, and one day long in the distant future, the person I am now will join them after I’ve matured even more.

Someone once told me that throughout the years, we will change so much that we will all be different people throughout our lives. To some degree this is true. I used to be a depressed, goth teenager and today I am girly, hopeful, kinda goofy, and energetic. We are all created to be God’s gifts to the world. So, I will say that my “packaging” has changed but the gift is the same.

Who you are, who you have always been, is a gift. The more deeply you realize this and the more you purposefully embrace who God made you to be, the more of a gift you will be to others and yourself.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”

- Matthew 5:5 The Message

So yeah, sit on the ground. Cackle when you laugh if that’s your thing (I tend to snort, haha). You are not weird. You are unique. You are beautiful. Be yourself and never apologize for it.

Love you,

- Kelly